Weekly Calendar 5/2-5/8

FRIDAY, 5/2

3 p.m. Tea. Yeah, yeah, I’m totally sad to be graduating. Rose Parlor

3 p.m. CHOICE Open House. Stock up for summer and seniors stock up for life after graduation. Come on, haven’t you seen the NYC free condom program? They’re at Steve Madden in SoHo. Jewett, Basement

p.m. Lecture. Kenji Yoshino will speak about “covering.” A cappella, make up your own damn songs. Rocky, 200

5 p.m. Goodbye Davison Dinner. One last dorm dinner for Davison residents before parting ways for a year! Hey prospies, Davison isn’t closing, it’s just going to live on your grandparents’ farm. Field, Joss Beach

7 p.m. “Waiting For Godot.” I once hid drugs in this event’s locale when running away from Security. Ah, the collegiate stories we’ll tell our grandchildren…Stone wall between Sanders Classroom and Sanders Physics (not a joke)

8 p.m. “Tea.” Idlewild Theatre Ensemble presents “Tea” by Velina Hasu Houston. You know, same as at 3 p.m., but “ironic.” Susan Finkelstein Shiva Theater

Midnight. Carifest Mug Night. This party will have you thinking you’re in the Caribbean during Carnival. Hot like the Caribbean, sweaty like the Mug. The Mug

SATURDAY, 5/3

8 a.m. Rent-a-Soccer Player Fundraiser. Hire one or more athletes from the Women’s Soccer Team to do various jobs around your house. Oh, but I wanted Ben Fox to fold my laundry…wearing a sexy maid outfit.

9 a.m. Founder's Day! You’re only allowed to cry once in life, and I’ve been saving mine for this day. Ballantine Field

SUNDAY, 5/4

2 p.m. Real ID Act Forum. Organizers from the New York Civil Liberties Union will discuss the Real ID act. And, you know, how to not get caught with a fake. Rocky 200

MONDAY, 5/5

3 p.m. Tea. I’ll miss all the times I’ve had here. Rose Parlor

TUESDAY, 5/6

3 p.m. Tea. The Backpage, tea jokes, mocking my peers, hatin’ on everyone. Rose Parlor

5 p.m. Davison vs. Joss: Freshman Water Balloon Fight. Ew, gross. Don’t exploit CHOICE’s free condom generosity like that! Joss Beach

5 p.m. ViCE Cream Social. Double scoop of Sam Bloch’s balls with Evan Altshuler sprinkles, please! Chapel Lawn

6 p.m. Contrast Release Party. Freshman wannabe Dov Charneys: Please supply your own lube. Sock required. Faculty Commons

9 p.m. Narrative Writing Reading. Ooh, I’d love some “fiction” about someone kicking her ex in the balls. CDF, 106

WEDNESDAY, 5/7

3 p.m. Tea. But I just wanna say, I’m really sorry for any pain I’ve caused or feelings I’ve hurt. Rose Parlor

5 p.m. Helicon English Department Faculty Reading. Featuring M. Mark and Michael Joyce. Note: 3D glasses and an Apple computer from circa 1988 will be provided for this hypertext fiesta. Class of ’51 Reading Room

6 p.m. Club Sports Banquet. I hope there’s a “Mildly Annoying, Lying Homogenous Blob” award. Ballantine Field

8 p.m. Soiree ’68. Celebrate the 40th anniversary of the May 1968 uprisings in Paris with a talk from David Schalk and Barbarella projected onto Ferry House. Jane Fonda as she spent her time here, plastered up against a wall. FDF Quad

THURSDAY, 5/8

3 p.m. Tea. Psych! P.S. Everything I’ve ever written on this page is true. Bye! Rose Parlor

5 p.m. Annual Senior Composition Reading. Have you ever wanted to read the theses of your peers? Have you ever wanted to hear them read aloud from their theses? Join me, as I laugh at Molly and mock her academic “achievements.” Sanders Hall, 212

7 p.m. 2010 Showcase.A gathering of the sophomore class, featuring student reflections on the achievements and challenges of our year. Congratulations, you kind of kicked your drug habit and made some friends! FDF Quad

9 p.m. Night Owls Final Concert. Okay, fine, senior confession: I secretly love a cappella. Specifically, the Penn Six a cappella version of Gangsta’s Paradise. I’m sorry. I’ve been living a lie. Aula