Backpage | True Confessions from the Class of 2008

**We e-mailed the entire senior class asking for their deepest secrets. We now present their responses.

I stole a full keg of beer from the Mug, got caught by Security and told them that I found the keg under a tree behind Jewett.

I told my boyfriend that my friend visiting was gay so it wouldn't be a big deal if we shared my single room for a couple of nights. But the truth was that my “gay friend” was my other boyfriend.

After viewing much of your not-so-secret dong-dingling, I spit in your most treasured headdress. —mike lieberthal

When the highway kid punched a window and cut an artery in his wrist, I cauterized the wound with a cake knife and a lighter and stopped the bleeding. I did a better job than Dr. Crawfish would have done.

I only hooked up with you because I was too lazy to walk home.

I am on a year-long quest to unite the campus by hooking up with both jocks and hipsters.

Dear Hannah, Sometimes, when I know you’ll be at the library all day, and I’m home alone, I go into your underwear drawer and wear your bra as a hat. It is my magical thinking cap. I’ve never studied better than in those moments.

I still have a crush on my freshman student fellow!

Sophomore year, my 19th birthday...you rode the ambulance with me to the hospital because I couldn’t hold down a half-liter of gin. The nurse said she couldn’t get my temperature under the tongue. A quick “you know what that means” was all I needed to hear to roll to my side and pull up the back of my hospital gown. As I reached out for your hand and looked into your eyes (preparing to receive the steel temperature probe in my lower orifice), I swear I would have switched teams for you, Sean Leahy.

I had sex in my friend’s room and her friend said to her in class, “Someone had sex in your room last night and we know it wasn’t you because we know what you sound like.”

You don’t know me that well, but I read your livejournal.

I have $200+ in library fines that I need to pay in order to graduate.

We stole the fifth floor couch from Main, and it was only found because one of us got caught breaking into our own suite over Spring Break. —Fratcave

I’m secretly straight but too scared to tell anyone!

Dear Molly, The condom you found in your bed freshman year, that we said “Barrett put there as a joke”? yeah, about that...Don’t you miss AJ Tindall?

When you stood me up to go to a Frisbee party, I gave your toothbrush a toilet bath. —applesauce

My friend once ghost-rid a pink bike into the TH-path stream. Then he felt guilty, jumped in, and fished it out.

I had sex in a janitor’s closet in Cushing and busted in the mop bucket.

For most of this year I’ve wished Luis Trujillo was straight so I could bone him.

Even though you’re a Republican, I still think you’re cute.

My friend had sex in the CHOICE office. She’s not a CHOICE member.

I lost my virginity on JYA.

The keg at my last party was non-alcoholic.

I made out with Molly Finkelstein in the Passion Pit.

During freshman week, a certain runner told me he liked the v in my v-neck and then I made out with him.

I tried to hit on Dave Mann once.

My freshman year I got so drunk and went to the deli at the end of the night. I convinced Tony I was Italian and waited tables with a shitty Italian (think Mario Brothers) accent and went to the back and washed dishes with his sister. I think he gave me some beer for my troubles.

“Instead of one of us making a move, my teammate and I flipped a coin to see who would have to commit the first strike. I won. He struck. I forgot to say ‘call it, friend-o.’” —anton sigur

Fall semester of junior year, I went to the Library of Congress over October break to do research for a political science paper. After being there for a considerable amount of time, I went to the bathroom and jerked off while two elderly academics discussed their differing opinions of post-colonial hegemony in the third world. —Banned from D.C.

I was having sex with someone and thought he was Marc Gottlieb and I made a weird comment about what he wrote on my livejournal.

Freshman year I did, and still do, feel ashamed that I’m not a lesbian.

I’m relying on Alanis Morissette, hard drugs and the word “awesome” for the bulk of my commencement speech. —[Isn’t It] IronicPrez08

I threw up on my friend’s puppy at a party.

I couldn’t bring a boy back to my double as a freshman, so we decided to hang (make) out in the parlor instead. My belt buckle was digging into my tummy so I took off my pants. DON’T WORRY, I was wearing great Superman underwear from Target! Totally PG-13! Anyway, we were making out and then Security came into the parlor and shone a flashlight on my butt. I don't remember much, except that the Security dude asked, “Um...is this consensual?” and then left.

On spring break on a Greek isle, I jokingly challenged Martha Knauf to split a handle of whiskey with me, figuring she couldn't do it. Later that night, while Martha found her way home, relatively clear-headed, I took off my jacket and leapt, from the balcony of a bar, into the very cold Mediterranean sea, landing on jagged rocks. I woke up soaking wet and naked and confused as to what country I was in, in a hotel room with my girlfriend’s best friend. Martha Knauf outdrank me and had a comfortable night, while I lay shivering, nude and shamed.

After a night at the Mug, my friends and I broke a lot of shit on the way back home, including a lamppost, several plant-holders and some lights outside the Old Observatory. A person was later seen humping one of these lights, and because he was with the baseball team they were all blamed. —foxyboxing