Penetrating Questions | If STIs and pregnancy aren't concerns, do we need condoms?

Dear Vassar Boys,

This is a great question that I think people are often confronted with at a certain point in their relationships. Unfortunately, there is no straightforward, correct answer. Here is some information to help you with the decision.

First, it is wonderful that you both were tested and were negative. Sexually active men and women should get tested annually, as well as every time they enter a new sexual partnership. It is also essential to have a conversation with your partner about whether either partner has ever had sex with anyone else, shared needles or has had a sexually transmitted infection (STIs). Be aware that your partner may not have known they had an infection.

When going to the doctor, it is important not to assume you are getting tested for STIs. In most cases you need to specifically ask your doctor to be tested, or it is unlikely to happen. The other option is to go to an STI testing clinic, such as the Dutchess County Department of Health walk-in clinic, located on 387 Main Street (call 845-486-3400 or visit the Web site for a schedule). You can also be tested at Baldwin Medical Center (x5800) or the Poughkeepsie Planned Parenthood located on 17 Noxon Street (call 845-471-1540 for an appointment). If you test positive for an STI, the next step would be to talk to your doctor, have further testing and determine treatment options. Your partner(s) would then need to be tested; and both of you need to be treated, because some infections can be passed back and forth repeatedly.

Even if you’ve asked your doctor to test for everything and you have come up negative, it does not mean you have been screened for or are clear of all STIs. For some STIs, such as herpes, no good test exists, and others such as Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) cannot be fully protected against even with condom use. Of course, the only way to protect yourself fully is to abstain from risky sexual practices in which fluids are exchanged. If you choose to have sex, be informed.

Something to keep in mind with a negative test for HIV is that it can take up to three months, and sometimes years, after becoming infected with the virus to develop antibodies (which is what is tested for). This gap of time between infection and appearance of antibodies is sometimes called the “window period.” During this time, HIV tests can come back negative, even though the virus may be present. Also, HIV can be passed to other people during this time. That is why it is critical, if you think you have been infected, to use protection every time and to be tested about three months after possible infection.

So, we return to the question of whether you need to use protection when you are in a monogamous relationship, not concerned about pregnancy and both you and your partner have been tested for STIs and the results are negative. At this point, you should decide which risks you are willing to take in sex. You need to communicate these standards to your partner. Both partners must be open about sex. When it comes to safer sex, you are most responsible for yourself.

Simply wanting or believing that you and your partner are exclusive sexual partners does not make it true. Make sure you and your partner are open and honest, trustworthy and respectful, and are both committed to having sex with only each other. If you are confident in that and are aware of potential risks that come with having sex, you can make the choice not to use condoms.

If you choose to continue to use condoms and your desire to not use condoms was about wantingmore pleasure, try using one of the many varieties of textured condoms, like ribbed or studded. You can also try different kinds of lubes such as silicone-based or warming styles. Also, try putting a small drop of lube inside the condom before putting it on in addition to using it outside of the condom. This will add a little extra sensation for the wearer.

I always recommend going the safer route and using protection, because it can’t hurt. However, the decision is ultimately up to you, and it is a personal one that requires open and honest communication with your partner. Weigh the options, ask questions, and choose the best for you.

—Jiná Ashline ’08 is a religion major with women’s studies correlate. She is also president of C.H.O.I.C.E. Each week she will answer a question about sex and sexuality. Send your questions to jiashline@vassar.edu or by dropping a note in Box 2172.