Penetrating Questions | Female ejaculation Part II: Try it at home!

Jiná Ashline
Columnist

Find a copy of last week’s Miscellany News if you missed “Demystifying Female Ejaculation,” and get ready for the conclusion of the story: a how-to guide.

For most women, learning how to ejaculate is desirable because it can lead to a deep and pleasurable orgasm that is unlike any other. When first learning, it may be easier to relax if you try it alone, rather than with a partner.

Female ejaculation (FE) is most often accomplished by stimulating the urethral sponge (G-spot) and the female prostate, both located on the front of the vaginal wall. However, for some, stimulation of the clitoris alone can also induce FE. Either way, stimulation of the clitoris is necessary. Trying to learn will help you get intimate with yourself or a partner, so even if you don’t accomplish FE, you will still have the opportunity to explore different sources of pleasure—you’ve got nothing to lose!

Start out with clean hands, short nails and a towel, since the amount of fluid released varies from a few drops to as much as one-and-a-half liters, with single or multiple releases! The female prostate will continue to produce fluid for as long as a woman is sexually aroused. Empty your bladder first so you will feel comfortable letting go when the urge to release arises. FE feels similar to the need to urinate, though it does not come from the bladder. Begin playing with the clit in order to become highly aroused, which will make the female prostate fill with fluid and the pelvic muscles contract and release the ejaculate. Once you’ve mastered stimulating the clitoris, move on to inside the vagina and explore the G-spot.

As the clitoris is massaged, use fingers or a dildo to stimulate the urethral sponge by massaging the top of the vagina, where the G-spot and female prostate are located, beginning with light pressure. Massage the full length of the urethra, from the opening of the vagina, inward a couple of inches. Maintain clitoral massage the entire time.

It is not always necessary to move the fingers in and out of the vagina, but aim to create a feeling of pressure inside the vagina. Allow for a slow sexual build-up, which will result in a great orgasm, and try different pressure levels and strokes to find what is most pleasurable for you. If your G-spot is extremely sensitive, you might only be able to handle stimulation when you are very close to orgasm.

Remember to relax and breathe deeply, while continuously massaging the clitoris and the G-spot to the point of orgasm. A woman must completely relax during orgasm in order to ejaculate, because if you keep your muscles tight (creating a feeling similar to the one of staving off urination) you cannot ejaculate. If you’re afraid of letting go, you won’t be able to experience FE—the feeling you want is the feeling of needing to release. The closer you come to orgasm, the stronger the urge will be. Hold back on your orgasm until you cannot hold it any longer. Then, relax and push out (like when urinating) to allow ejaculation.

The contractions of pelvic muscles will help expel the fluid. If you experience ejaculation, you will likely feel a different and intense kind of orgasm, but if you don’t, you’ll still orgasm. You may not notice the wetness of the ejaculation until the orgasm(s) have ended. Ejaculation may take practice, so don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen on the first try.

If you are practicing with a partner, the same steps apply. If you know you can ejaculate, inform your partner so they know you desire this stimulation, and guide them—don’t rely on them to read your mind to get the pleasure you want. Also, if they are new to the experience, prepare them for the wetness that occurs and let them know that FE is normal and desirable. An advantage to having a partner stimulate you is that they may be able to help you ejaculate if you tend to stop yourself when the feeling becomes very intense. You must trust and be comfortable with them, as they may need to continue through that intensity without going too far.

The best method for a partner is to create a hook with the index and middle fingers and to curl them in and out, as if motioning someone forward. Massage the upper wall of the vagina, from the opening back inside two inches, starting with light touches. Even when already wet, use a liberal amount of lubrication to increase pleasure by making the movements smooth. Partners, arouse her clitoris with manual or oral stimulation, continuing clitoral stimulation while massaging her G-spot. Ask where and what produces enjoyable sensations as you massage. Increase pressure (if it is comfortable for her) while maintaining constant and steady movements. Orgasms and ejaculations may become more intense with multiple orgasms, and the amount of ejaculation may increase, so continue the stimulation through them, pressing gently with the fingers inside the vagina.

Some women may find that they ejaculate during intercourse without even trying, while others may find it easier to do with manual massage. Keep in mind that it’s important to be careful with the urethra, as it is highly sensitive and easily irritated. Intense stimulation of the area increases the chance of infection. Women should always drink plenty of water and urinate just before and right after any kind of sex to prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs). If you experience irritation, painful urination or infection, try using less pressure when stimulating the area. Also, since you usually sleep where you have sex, keep a couple towels near the bed, extra sheets for bigger messes or try having sex someplace else, because the cleanup can be bothersome. A supportive partner is always helpful with these concerns. Most importantly, have fun exploring and discovering your own or a partner’s body!

Jiná Ashline ’08 is a religion major with women’s studies correlate. She is also president of C.H.O.I.C.E. Each week she will answer a question about sex and sexuality. Send your questions to jiashline@vassar.edu or by dropping a note in Box 2172.

P.S. Dec. 1 is World AIDS Day. Remember the 33.2 million people worldwide living with HIV. Help end the pandemic--get tested and stop the spread of disease.