Backpage | My First Week at the Mug: Reflections of a Mug Bartender

Molly Finkelstein Backpage Editor

MONDAY

Dear Diary,
Today was my first day of work here at Matthew’s Mug at Vassar College! It got off a slow start, with only three very intelligent, good-looking seniors named James, Molly and Meg. I think they got drunk. Then came a slow but steady stream of students walking down the stairs, looking around, whining about the drink prices, buying them anyway, sighing and leaving. I made four dollars in tips. Then, I guess the VSA meeting ended, because the entire Council came downstairs, had some drinks, and started dancing. Too bad the only music was TV on the Radio quietly playing from the jail cell that is the DJ booth.

Drinks Sold: 7 beers
Hook-Ups Seen: 0
Sam Rosen-Amy’s Housemates: 4

TUESDAY

Dear Diary,
Wow, these kids sure know how to dance. I’ve never seen such flailing in my life. It reminds me of my acid days back at Oberlin. It made me miss my dreads. Yeah, crunchy grooves. Some douche stole a bunch of the bracelets and was passing them out to everyone. I served them their $6 one- shot drinks anyway.

Drinks Sold: 65 beers
Hook-Ups Seen: 2
People with Dreads: 4

WEDNESDAY

Dear Diary,
Jesus Christ, what a mess. I’ve never seen so much spandex (on men) in my life. It reminds me of my cocaine days back in the ’90s. They tell me Wednesday is ’80s night. I think I was the only one there who remembers the ’80s. At least, I think I remember. I saw a very Irish-looking couple making out on the dance floor. I wish them all the best! There was also a very drunk half-Asian kid making an ass out of himself. I think I recognized him from Monday. Some girl tried to buy a beer with money she took out of her purple lamé bikini top. Sometimes you just have to give someone a free drink. (Don’t tell!) The night ended with a bunch of wasted kids swaying to the music and stumbling up the stairs, making last-ditch efforts to hook up with someone.

Drinks Sold: 223 beers, 45 mixed drinks
Hook-Ups Seen: 27
Neon Headbands: 15

THURSDAY

Dear Diary,
What the fuck are these bands? I have never heard of them, but it seems like everyone else here has. I checked them out on MySpace and it turns out they all live in the same storage space in Fort Greene. Weird, right? I almost called EMS six different times because I thought kids were having epileptic seizures. It turns out they were just dancing. It sure does take me back to my middle school epilepsy days.

Drinks Sold: 150 beers
Hook-Ups Seen: 2.3333
Pairs of Skinny Jeans: 45

FRIDAY

Dear Diary,
I guess this is what a “wild” night here is supposed to be like. Girls kept trying to dance on the stools and falling over. I wish I could let them dance on the bar, but I really want to keep this job. There was also a guy who was nude from the waist down. I was going to say something, but I wasn’t sure if nudity was against the rules here. In any case, no one seemed impressed by him. Drunk girls kept trying to hit on me, singing some song about a bartender. I think they were trying to get free shots. But everyone knows there aren’t shots here anymore! A couple kids tried to sneak behind the bar. They said they used to be allowed to go back there to do drugs. There was also a lot of loud music and sweaty people grinding up on each other. Maybe I should ask about getting paid more.

Drinks Sold: 2,432
Hook-Ups Seen: 125
Nip Slips: 5

SATURDAY

Dear Diary,
So this is what Halloween at Vassar is like. Same slutty costumes as everywhere else, but a little more esoteric. They had me stationed, passing out beer (for free?!?!), right outside what I like to call “the drunk tank,” a room with a big glass window where they kept all the drunk kids who are a threat to themselves and others. Oh, the things I saw in the beer line! It was primarily the same 30 seniors continuously getting their beer, drinking their beer, rejoining the line, and getting another beer. I was the belle of the ball! These kids sure know how to party. All in all, I think I’m gonna like it here. And hey, at least I’m not that kid who woke up in a ditch on Route 55.

Drinks Given Out:
Hook-Ups: Too many to count
Harry Potter characters: 27

Love,
Bartender