Backpage | Happy Coming Out Week!

Molly Finkelstein Backpage Editor

Is there something you want to tell us? Are you hiding something? Come on, just tell us! Everyone will find out soon enough anyway. Gossip at Vassar travels faster than the speed of Internet. Besides, this is an open, caring, loving environment. And we all want to know your secret. So come on, just come out! We’ll all love you more for it (unless you come out as a conservative).

Want to come out, but don’t know how to tell your parents? Here’s a handy form letter you can get the Registrar to send home for you.

From the Office of the Registrar:

To the parents of _____________________,

Hello, it has been requested that we inform you of a slight change in your child’s socio-academic life. Student life here at Vassar is fraught with many obstacles, large and small, most of which we generally avoid presenting to you, the parents of a Vassar student. However, sometimes campus life and home life intersect and it becomes necessary or merely helpful to know a pertinent piece of information about your child.

Your child now identifies as a:
[Student: Please circle one or more.]

a. Homosexual
b. Hetero-flexible
c. Transsexual
d. Transgendered
e. Queer
f. Vegan
g. Freegan
h. Jew
i. Jew 4 Jesus
j. Pagan
k. Scientologist
l. Artiste
m. Yankees fan
n. Republican
o. Whig
p. Nomad
q. Hunter/Gatherer
r. Reality show cast member
s. Messiah
t. Loaf of Bread
u. Other: _____________

The College has arranged for a small closet to be placed in the center of the Quad. Students wishing to enter the “So You Think You’re a Gay” contest should begin queuing at the back of the closet at 2 p.m. on Wednesday. There will be gift basket prizes for:

• Best Coming Out
• Most Unique Coming Out
• Best Nude Coming Out
• Best Reversal of Religious Upbringing Coming Out