Intramural Sports

Steve Buonfiglio Columnist

Spring has sprung! If you doubt me, I can only say that the IM signs of spring have been abundant.
Softball, for example, bloomed on Noyes Circle on April 8, despite the 40-degree temperatures. W.E.B. and da Boyz got things going, succumbing to Machinist Free, 26-2. Matt “Boom-Boom” Bninski ’06 hit hard for the victors, but it was Keith “Call-Waiting” Croxton ’06 whose base running had all the fans scratching their heads. Croxton was on second with two outs for da Boyz when his cell phone rang. A bloop single off the bat of “Jolting” Joe Barkan ’06 should have sent our hero Croxton home. But, as the ball fell, he stayed glued to second, mid-conversation. Belatedly, he realized, “Hey, two outs, base hit—I should run.” As he ran, he dropped his phone and had to retreat to second to pick it up. We do not know who was on the other line during all this, but it probably wasn’t Derek Jeter giving base-running advice.

The last game of opening day saw the offense of Passions of the Christ still deep in hibernation. I did not see the movie, but I am fairly confident that the carnage could not possibly compare to what I witnessed at the plate. My first hint should have been the presence of Natalie “Gnat Attack” Serkowski ’06 on the Passions’ roster. Serkowski may be a women’s basketball immortal, but she is a mere mortal on the softball field, and just had knee surgery to boot. With the surgery barely behind her, Serkowski did not play but I can only assume that if she had, she would have been the team’s best hitter. Why do I say that? The score: Team Gay Sex 30, Passions of the Christ 0.

On April 9, the weather changed—a perfect spring day! Perfect, that is, unless you played softball for Team PE World. Due to their crazy schedules, they opened the day with a rare triple-header. At noon, The World held an abundance of opportunity. By 3 p.m., a hole had been dug and their record sunk to 0-3. On the bright side, Melissa “Hit But Don’t Missa” Jones ’08 eventually mastered the art of running to first base, having tripped only about five feet down the line on her first try. The day ended in yet another blowout as We’re The Squirrels Now Dawg clobbered Tourettes Without Regrets 36-1. Steve “Power Tex” Cowan ’07 hit his first career jack for the winners and Ted “Doped Up on the Roids” Fondak ’07 hit one that has everyone asking for a urine sample.

While that took place, over on Joss Field, Rufio and the Lost Boys were taking control of the Recreational soccer league by virtue of three wins on the weekend. The closest game saw Rufio edge out the 72 Virgins by a 3-2 count.

In Competitive soccer, APGS got their just desserts early in the season, with a 2-1 win over the Ragin’ Red Reggins. Ari “Net It” Neiditz ’08 got the scoring started. But the Reggins’ Larry “Inevitable” Avitabile ’08 wove his way through the APGS defense to knot the contest up. In the end, it was Andrew Block “Party” ’06 who provided the deciding goal.

As the sun went down, we headed inside. There, volleyball action was highlighted by the Gimps defeating the Ragin’ Red Reggins, 25-16, 21-25, 26-24. Leigh “I Believe I Can Fly” Hernandez ’07 led the winners. In Rec, The Untouchables defeated the Winos 26-24, 19-25, 25-17. Whenever you bet on games, never take the team affiliated with liquor, unless it’s your very own Vassar Brewers. Not that you should bet. Remember Pete Rose?

5v5 basketball concluded the weekend of games. The Comp league got off to a flying start. The first game saw Volleyball edge out the Buono Ballers, as Wayne “My World” Coito ’07 tipped in the game winner with seven seconds to go. The Knickerbockers came back from 12 down to defeat Young Legs in the 90s in overtime. Pete “Quite a Feat” Malinowski ’06 sparked the Knicks.

But the turning point of the game occurred weeks before the match-up ever took place, when Assistant Professor of English Kiese “Kar Service” Laymon got talked into making a run to the airport. He left with his team in the lead, thanks largely to his dagger jumpers. Do you think Michael Jordan ever said to Phil Jackson, “I’m out of here after the third quarter, gotta get over to O’Hare?” No, I can assure you, he did not. Whatever led to this execrable situation, I cannot say, but if you are wise, save this article and use this excuse to get out of his class early at some point in the future.