The tall tale of Mike Alton

Miyo Davis Guest Writer

If you were to pick up the latest issue of Rowing News which is read by approximately five people on this campus, the said magazine could give you insightful views on the many aspects of the sport of rowing—the pain, the joys, what it’s like to row stark naked to meet the sunrise like a lover in the creeping darkness.

They could not tell you however, of a legend that is whispered o’er the campus, old as the Hudson herself. For ages, ships have sailed up and down the seductive embrace of her river banks, yet some secrets she cannot swallow up. One such is the legend of Vassar rowing, the tall tale of Mike Alton.

Known as Michélle to the French trappers and traders of old, Mike more than coached the Vassar Crew Team for several seasons; he dominated the sport. His lanky 7 ’7” frame was the face of Vassar rowing.

The legendary women’s crew of ’06 still meets to remember the morning when a monstrous gale overtook a practice, swamping a boat and throwing fearless, determined coxswain Liz Dunham ’06 into hypothermic shock. Rowing is a cutthroat, dangerous sport subject to Mother Nature’s fickle whims, and that morning was no different. Just as the exhausted rowers had prepared to meet their maker in Davy Jones’ locker, Mike Alton jumped aboard the boat and brought it to shore using only his hand as a sail.

Such legendary feats, reproduced on Christmas television specials and resung in one-hit wonders that almost outstretch their protagonist in the “tallness” of their telling, often outshine coach Alton’s quieter qualities. Captains Daria Van Tyne ’06 and Annie Kushner ’06 reminisce fondly of a coach that was forever in love with rowing, the river and the drive to excel; helping people with no sports experience realize a level of athleticism that could win medals and break school records.

It would be hard to envision a figure of such epic proportions possessing a lighter side, but just as the Hudson can pass from the unyielding tempestuousness of whitewater to glass-like calm in a matter of minutes, coach Alton’s stern mood could also degenerate into the giddy antics of a schoolboy without much warning. “I don’t know, one afternoon of Mike’s terrible jokes could break a man,” said former men’s captain Ryan Mason ’06. He recounted the fateful day when he threw up his hands in despair, jumped out of the boat mid-practice and swam for shore when coach Alton started quoting from the movie Stripes for the 315th consecutive time that morning.

Though Mike Alton is long since gone, his ghost still haunts the halls of Walker. Captain Chris Scott ’06 has had many encounters with the Vassar rowing coach as he sails back and forth upon the Hudson. His beetle-browed eyes an uncanny mirror of the sea after a storm, captain Scott looks out over the water and fondly recalls, “Yes, Mike. He wasn’t just tall. He was larger than life.”