Intramural Sports | Answers to your burning questions

Steve Buonfiglio Columnist

Here’s everything you’ve always wanted to know about IMs, but were afraid to ask. Or at least everything you need to know about last week’s competitions.

Q. Who is the best ping-pong player in the world?
A. If you said Zach “Attack” Proulx ’07 you are close, but wrong, as he suffered an ignominious (well, maybe not that bad, but we like to dress it up) defeat in the finals at the hands of Jer “Talking to #1” Isseks ’07.

Q. What is the most exciting game of Rec volleyball match ever played on this continent?
A. You’re correct if you said Tennis’ win the other day, as they squashed Team Balls’ dreams via a 25-22, 26-28, 25-23 victory. Debbie “Don’t Shank” Sharnak ’07 stepped up for the winners.

Q. If Comp volleyball were used to decide a life or death situation, whom would you want to play for?
A. Try the Gimps, who took a marathon 27-25, 19-25, 25-23 win over Team Something that rhymes with Hey Tex (ban still invoked for this week, you know). “Jumping Jack Flash” Josh de Leeuw ’08 was playing better than alright for the winners.

Q. In 3v3 rec basketball, what is the meaning of life?
A. WKYA, as in We Kicked Your Aspirations, or some other A word. The gang won twice last Sunday (and the New York Giants couldn’t even manage one win). WKYA dealt out losses to Superfly and Bears with Claws. Eric “The Great” Theriault ’06 led the way for those who left the gym happy.

Q. Can anyone on campus fly?
A. Yes, Danny Fahey ’06 can fly, but only for a second, maybe two at the most. But when he is soaring through the air he is able to save wayward basketballs as if he were Superman and kryptonite did not even exist. Such was the case as his launching himself to salvage a possession served as a springboard to PHGTWH’s victory over We Remember Ricky Pierce. That gravity thing can smart though.

Q. If Team Handball was an Olympic Event, who would win?
A. Ah, trick question, as it is an Olympic Event and either way the answer is Boom Bow Surprise (or Italy, I’m not sure which). Anyway, Boom Bow took the IM title from the team whose last name rhymes with T-Rex. The champs include “Daring” Dan Steckenberg ’06, Joe “That’s My Dog Who’s Barkan ’06, Josh “I’m In a Happy” Moody ’06, Keith “Plop Plop Fiz Fiz Oh What a Relief” Croxton ’06, Sebastian “That’s” Howard ’06, Yevgeniy “Only Man in America with the Initials YIrdquo; Izrayelit ’06 and Daniel “Scarlet VC” Hawthorne ’09.

Q. If Larry Brown coached IM Comp soccer, what team would he work with?
A. After getting the Knicks off to a slow start, Larry has finally gotten a couple of W’s. As Sundance Express is likewise, a bit tardy out of the gate, perhaps Larry could help them out. Sundance is winless but not without valor, as they have dropped games to the Rookies (4-3), Rufio (3-1) and APGS (5-3). They also used a web cam—could be wrong term (techno-phobe IM Director) the other day. So Larry would have to tell them to drop the fancy stuff and get down and dirty (and also play Sacramento—think of the video the Kings could put together on Vassar).
Anyway, “Action” Jackson Howard ’09 and the troops are due.

Q. What Rec Team has the funniest name?
A. If you are an Al Capone fan, its The Untouchables. For everyone else, it might be one of the following:
Team Balls? Balls themselves are usually not so funny (and don’t go getting funny on your own, talking soccer here).
Flaming Cowboy Boots? If Adam Sandler has just put a bag of poop on your doorstep, then that, in fact, could be the winner.
Missing Links? Not bad, but too primordial. Team
Game Sex? Okay, the ban is lifted; that is funny, the first 62 times anyway.
Team Grandpa? Grandpas can be very funny, unless you are a Grandma, then I bet not so much. Anyway, make your own choice. We in IMs are all about the anti-climax sometimes.