Out of Bounds signs off: NBA playoff predictions

Gabe Mosca Columnist

The NBA playoffs are upon us. Throughout the next two months, a field of 16 teams will be whittled down to one—the NBA champion. As has been the trend in the most recent years, the Western Conference is mind-bendingly deep. The seventh seed out west, Denver, finished with an impressive 48-34 record. The East, while without the depth of their brethren, is still stronger than previous years. As a result, one is hard pressed to find a first round matchup that can be preemptively ruled an ugly mismatch. Basketball fans everywhere can be thankful that there will be no 4-0 series in which the losers never get within 15 points (see Supreme Court cases Boston Celtics v. Indiana, 2004 and Denver Nuggets v. Los Angeles, 1987).

Here at Out of Bounds we would like to take a look at some of the more intriguing first-round battles. And, what the hell, we’ll throw in some predictions too because it is our God-given right as sportswriters to be pompous enough to be able to predict the future.

Denver v. San Antonio
After starting the season in a serious funk, the Nuggets have been playing stellar basketball for the past two months. New coach George Karl has gotten the team to play up to its full potential. San Antonio has been a relatively safe bet to win the NBA title all year. Tim Duncan is a force, and he gets perimeter help from Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili. Even though Duncan has been hampered with an ankle sprain, the Spurs are awfully tough to beat four times; their defense is too good. Denver’s Kenyon Martin has shone during the playoffs in the past, but the rest of the Nuggets are novices to great expectations.
Prediction: Spurs 4-2

Houston v. Dallas
Question: If the new German pope had previously stated that rock music leads to godlessness, is he listening to bands like Huey Lewis and Steppenwolf or German stuff like Danzig and Rammstein? I just thought I’d ask. It’s been a good year for Germans; one becomes the pope and one becomes an NBA star. Dallas’s Dirk Nowitzki, a lanky seven-footer whose three-point range extends to the Austrian border, should have a field day against the Rockets. Houston counters with Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady. T-Mac and Yao will get their points, but it won’t be enough. At the very least, everyone should check out this series for the prospects of seeing 7’6” Shawn Bradley guard the 7’6” Yao. That’s 15 feet of overactive pituitary glands.
Prediction: Mavericks 4-1

New Jersey v. Miami
Lately, everything is going the way of the Nets. They barely made the playoffs because they held a tiebreaker against Cleveland. Richard Jefferson is returning to the lineup after a lengthy injury. Vince Carter is playing like the young Dominique Wilkins he used to remind us of. And their foe’s best player, Shaquille O’Neal, is bothered by a bruised right thigh. With that said, the Heat are still a daunting challenge for New Jersey. They do not match up well against Miami’s Dwyane Wade or even an injured Shaq. But at least there will be a couple of games in the swamps of the Meadowlands where faux Nets fans can show up and root for a team they will inevitably refer to as the Knicks.
Prediction: Heat 4-1

Indiana v. Boston
There is an intense pressure to pick some sort of upset. The third-seeded Celts seem primed for a tanking. The polish has worn off after they acquired Antoine Walker and tore up the Atlantic Division. Doc Rivers is still an unproven coach in the playoffs. Yes, Indiana is thin at many spots, but they have some clutch guys. Stephen Jackson is as crazy as Tony Montana, but he did win a title with San Antonio in 2003. Reggie Miller is retiring at the end of the season, and he would love to burn the Celtics for 40 points a night. But this series will be the awakening of Fred Jones. You heard me—the Pacer guard is an absolute sky pilot, incredible hops. He will be tough to contain. And just for an added bonus, a Celtic named Raef will be guarding the talented Jermaine O’Neal. O’Neal, due to an injury, only really has the use of one arm, but I still like that match-up for Indiana. The dude’s name is Raef.
Prediction: Pacers 4-3

There will be plenty of great NBA games over the next several weeks. Take a break from studying and watch men, many of them your age, make literally hundreds of dollars every second they step foot on the court. Fantastic.

Sadly, this is the last Out of Bounds column. For the past two years I have had the pleasure of writing my own unique blend of sports, entertainment, and meandering thought and having it placed in a publication that is an institution at Vassar. I refer to Out of Bounds as a staff, but it is really just one sports junkie spending two hours every week in a dire attempt to inform and bring a chuckle or two. I would like to thank all of the athletes who have spoken with me and the kind editors at The Miscellany News who resist the temptation to trim 1,500 word columns about the Super Bowl or axe a risky joke about Kobe Bryant. And most importantly, thank you for reading.