Out of Bounds | Pigs fly, hell freezes over: the Red Sox win World Series

Gabe Mosca Columnist

Red Sox fans have waited 86 years for a World Series title. They cringed when Johnny Pesky held the ball in 1946 and the St. Louis Cardinals scampered to a four games to three victory. They rejoiced in 1976 when Carlton Fisk ended game six with a home run only to have Joe Morgan and the Cincinnati Reds come back and take the championship in game seven. And most recently, the Red Sox nation stammered, staggered, and dry heaved their way into misery following their 1986 Series lost to the Mets. I can still remember taking ground balls in the backyard from my father and asking him how fast the ball that went through Buckner’s legs was going. As an eight year-old, the balls I always fielded cleanly were always a tad faster than the one that eluded Boston’s hobbled first baseman.

But all is forgiven. Last week the Sox manhandled the powerful St. Louis Cardinals, sweeping the Red Birds in four straight. Truth be told, it was a pretty pathetic World Series; sweeps usually are. The St. Louis pitching was rather pedestrian, as it had been most of the season. The Boston pitching was phenomenal. Curt Shilling and Derek Lowe made the Cardinal hitters look like as clueless as Bush at a spelling bee. And what about Pedro? Pedro Martinez, a man who is truly having fun on the diamond, assured his place in Red Sox lore with a brilliant game three performance.

Now a whole new set of problems arise for New Englanders: what to bitch about now? The Red Sox just convincingly won the World Series. The NFL’s Patriots have won a record 21 games in a row. They have won two out of the past three Super Bowls. But wait, the Celtics still suck. Actually, the Celtics will be terrible this season, but with Doc Rivers now helming the sidelines and great crop of rookies acquired in June’s draft, things are looking up. It isn’t often that a city/region is home to both the MLB and NFL champions, New England is the current sports epicenter.

In other news, the “Out of Bounds” staff would like to show their displeasure with two former San Francisco 49er wide receivers. First of all, Jerry Rice needs to retire. Two weeks ago the certified Hall of Famer was traded from the Oakland Raiders to the Seattle Seahawks for a seventh round draft pick. Seventh! Perhaps the greatest player in football history is now a joke because he held on too long. Rice now joins such greats as Willie Mays, Pete Rose, and Michael Jordan as great players who couldn’t seem to ride off into the sunset, preferring to get strung up in front of the courthouse steps.

The other receiver is Terrell Owens. Owens, a man who drops more passes on a regular basis than anyone else in the league, cannot seem to let things go. He is absolutely enamored with the idea of insulting everyone not currently on his team. Owens’ bank account grew fat as he swallowed up touchdown passes from his former 49er quarterback, Jeff Garcia. Now he commonly makes remarks questioning Garcia’s sexuality. I’m watching Owens and his Philadelphia Eagles take on the Baltimore Ravens as I type and all I want is for Ravens’ linebacker Ray Lewis to decapitate Owens. But I would settle for Ray shivving Terrel in the shower after the game too. It isn’t like Lewis has never killed anyone before.