Intramural Sports

Steve Buonfiglio Columnist

With Indian summer in full bloom, with George Bush’s reign of “Srategery” approaching an end (or John Kerry’s aspirations sinking like the waist line of a Veteran for Truth), with the Patriots actually losing and the Boston Red Sox setting New England hearts aflutter for the first time since 1918, who knew what would transpire in the IM Soccer Final Four.

Semi-final number one was a tighter than the election in Wisconsin. The Missing Links prevailed 1-0, the lone goal being scored by Sean “I’m so Hot I’m” Boley ’08. As is often the case with soccer, the next semi-final was also 1-0, but this one was not so close. Stellar goal tending kept The Invisibles in the game against Rufio and the Lost Boys, but in lacked a W in this case (oh, that the same was true elsewhere in this world). The Invincibles stopped many shots, they took very few. When Rufio’s Dave “How Loud Are You When You Score” Waymouth ’07 set up Alex “One is Enough” Wermer-Colan ’07 with an assist, that was all that was needed. Thus Rufio et al advanced to the finals.

Halloween dawned warm and pleasant as the Missing Links and Rufio battled one last time, winners take all —shirts, not candy. “Once More” Wermer-Colan started the new day, as he ended the old, scoring just thirty seconds into the game. The action was fast. The action was furious. The action was fast and furious. Twice Boley called me “Sir,” but I knew what he meant. I have been called jackass (yes, I know it’s hard to believe) in a much more endearing way than Boley called me Sir. It took me aback for a moment, then I remembered the 5v5 basketball title game from a year ago. I think I might send Boley a card when the Holiday Season kicks in. The turning point of the game came as Rufio goalie Toby “Last Line” Fischer ’06 was left isolated on a breakaway. Fischer stepped out enough to force a rushed kick, the balling sailing just over the goal. Fischer attributed it all to positive thinking and is writing a self-help book for Intramural athletes everywhere.

The best soccer player of the day may not have been on either roster, as early in the second half a pit bull terrier found his way onto the field. The terrier was easily the fastest being out there and got to every ball for the thirty seconds he was on the field. The Missing Links tired to get a pinnie on the dog but his owner showed up. Could this have been the missing link to the Missing Links victory —we’ll never know. Damn those strong leashes!

And thus it ended, a third 1-0 game, an IM classic and a victory celebration for Rufio and Lost Boys. Long may they wave the green skull and cross bones banner — congrats to Aly “Punt It” Piastra ’06, John “Big Boot” Palmer ’07, Mike “Mark Of” Zubrow ’07, Simon “Says” Kawitzky ’06, Allon “Yes I” Kahn, ’06 Dave “One” Waymouth ’07, Toby “Power of Prayer and Goal Keeping” Fischer ’06, Sean “Kicks Are For Me” Hallerud ’07, Alex “MVP” Wermer-Colan ’07, “Jolt’n” Joe Kim ’07, Dan “Where’s the Beef” Keefe ’07, Jordan “Never Played For” Dallas ’08, Dylan “Rage Against the Links” Cate ’08, Aly “Don’t Take” French ’08,and Aaron “Tangerine” Green ’06.