Out of Bounds | Yogisms: The sweet insights of Yogi Berra

Gabe Mosca Columnist

In addition to being a Hall of Fame catcher with the New York Yankees during the 1940s, ’50s, and ’60s, Yogi Berra is a master of the English language. Berra, holder of a number of World Series records, has provided us with countless, priceless sound bytes. The greatest thing about Berra’s quotes is just how true they can be; when one stops and thinks for a moment, Yogisms make a great deal of sense, regardless of Yogi’s intentions.

At Out of Bounds, we love Yogisms because they are like a simple, black dress—good for any occasion and easy to slip into. I mean . . .um. . . we love to have them balled up on our bedroom floor. Yes, that is it. High five! But for right now, Yogisms will take us through Major League Baseball as it nears its scintillating end

“Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.”
For years the Seattle Mariners have fielded a great team. But nothing went right in the Great Northwest this season. Suddenly, the team got old. Aside from the fabulous season Ichiro Suzuki is having, no Mariner has done anything to garner positive attention. However, the last time the Mariners were this bad, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Alice in Chains were in their heyday, so perhaps there is an upside.

“Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore, it’s too crowded.”
The division race in the American League West is very crowded. Aside from the aforementioned Mariners (29 games out of first place), the Texas Rangers and Anaheim Angels all sit within striking distance of the first-place Oakland A’s. The Rangers have the best hitting. The A’s have the best pitching. The Angels have a little of both. It should make for some exciting baseball, if there is such a thing as exciting baseball.

Carmen Berra:“I went to see Dr. Zhivago today.”
Yogi: “Now what’s wrong with you?”
There isn’t anything wrong with the Atlanta Braves, the St. Louis Cardinals, or the Minnesota Twins. All three of those teams captured their divisions last week and are on cruise control. Most of their star players will sit the last week of the season in order to be fully prepared for the playoffs. For the Braves, this is their 13th division Title in a row. That is amazing—amazing that in all of those playoff appearances they have only won one World Series. But they do have J.D. Drew, baseball’s version of Kurt Warner, a player who packs a Bible on every road trip. “Yes J.D., Jesus wants the Braves to win and for you to earn 70 million dollars playing a child’s game.”

“Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.”
Given all of his mesmerizing powers, pitchers and managers fear Barry Bonds as no one in baseball has ever been feared before. In a season where he hit his 700th home run, Bonds has also been intentionally walked more than one hundred times. His on-base percentage has been over .600 all season (in layman’s terms: in ten at-bats, he gets on base six of ten times). This is all the more impressive because San Francisco Giant teammates have the combined baseball skills of a middle school team from Mongolia, and they are in the playoff picture.

“It’s déjà vu all over again.”
The Bronx Bombers are at it again. Assured of a playoff spot, it looks like the New York Yankees will hold off the Boston Red Sox for a division title as well. Last week, after losing a close game to the Sox, the Yanks destroyed Boston in the next two contests and widened their lead. Fortunately for baseball fans everywhere, the Sox should win the wild-card and a Yankee-Red Sox playoff match-up is a definite possibility.

“Hey Yogi, what time is it?”
Yogi: “You mean now?”
It looked as though the window of opportunity for the Houston Astros to make the playoffs was slammed shut. After spending millions acquiring Carlos Beltran, Roger Clemens, and Andy Pettite, Houston played poorly for most of the summer. However, an eleven game winning streak does wonders for one’s chances. Houston now sits just a couple of games behind the Giants and Chicago Cubs, leaders of the wild card race. However, Houston has absolutely no chance winning their division. Why? Because they play in the National League Central with the St. Louis Cardinals (101-52). The Cardinals score more than your mom at her high school reunion, which, as we know, is a lot.