Intramural Sports

Steve Buonfiglio Columnist

Ivan—you will not have it, you will not take from us what is our own. Sure, you may wreak havoc in Florida. Destroy property in Louisiana. Blow the roofs off the homes of those residing in Tennessee. But when you get to this campus, you can huff and puff. You can pour rain down ‘til Sunset Creek overflows its banks in a poor imitation of the Pacific Ocean. Cause field hockey to be postponed, make it so we can’t use our fields for fear of the quagmire (though not even rating a poor imitation of Iraq). Sure and certain, you can do all this but you will not, positively, absolutely will not stop the IM train from rolling down the proverbial tracks. Ca coo ca chew–we are the Walrus!

First stop—IM tennis—the only place where free love does not scare you. We had two tourneys on Sunday. Dan “Rapid” Rapoport ’07 prevailed in the Novice bracket. For those just a tad bit more talented, Julia “Killer Serve” Landau ’08 emerged victorious.

Station number two—over to Ballantine. Are you ready for some football?! Your Mom is, or at least was, a lambasting laid upon the likes of Army of Darkness. 50-20. “Amazing Andrew” Kim ’05 was all over the place and Simon “a T-shirt” Craven ’05 burned down the house. The IM Contest of the Week saw the Buttonhookers crawl back from a 22-0 deficit to eek out a 42-38 nail biter over So Fresh. Tito “Crafty” Crafts ’06 led the comeback, connecting with Keith “Killer” Croxton ’06 for the winning score.

Station number two, part two—the IM train stays at Ballantine, we just load up some new passengers, erstwhile soccer players. The day ended with three shutouts, something only the Red Sox seemed readily able to identify with. Left Post scored a 10-0 triumph over Two More. Roberto “The Goal Scoring Machine” Muller ’08 led the way. The Missing Links scored nine fewer goals than Left Post, yet allowed the same amount, namely a 1-0 win over Miss Murphy’s Spleen Has Left the Building. Apparently, all the scorers have vacated the premises as well. Missing Links was led by Shaina “Don’t Complaina” Brassard ’08. Team Gay Sex and Kevin You’re Such a Disease played. The good news; no one lost. The bad; no one won—0-0 tie. Elsewhere Team Pajowa got by The Sexy Muppets Go Crazy (which ones are the sexy ones anyway?); 3-1 and Your Mom won by a 4-1 count over those damn Swift Boat Veterans For Truth.

Steam is up—chugging on over to Noyes for softball. First game of the year—the excitement is palpable. Only noon is way, way too early, so the first team forfeits. Number one complaint of the IM Director—if you party so hard that you cannot get up to play softball the next day, well, you have just partied way too hard—gotta do these things right. Off the soapbox and back to the field. Initech swept a double header. I am a big Initech fan, as I know we all are. My one complaint about them (besides Josh “Lucky” Lucido ’05) is that they are like a grandfather. They always start out really, really strong but at some point they hit the wall and basically just fall asleep. Thus it was in a 7-1 win over the Volleyball Team and a 9-8 escape over KC Laser (or the shadow of the former IM stalwarts).

Regardless, two wins is two wins—even George Bush could not argue with that. He might not understand it, but…Anyway, Andrew “H&R as in Homerun” Block ’06 led the way for Initech. KC Laser did bounce back behind Austin “Bashing” Brookner ’07 to defeat Big Tom and the Chrysanthemums, 14-9 and lastly, the Flying Squirrels of Doom took an 8-1 win over the Harlem Globetrotters.

Lights are on as we head into evening; next stop Walker and IM Volleyball. Are you tired of reading; I am so tired of writing, but onward. In Rec Action: Da Miak over Your Mom—pick on somebody your own size, James “Bonecrusher” Beaty ’05; We Ain’t White over Flying Mongeese –Chris “Dirty Shoes” Gray ’05 led the way; the Posse downed the Flying Mongeese – Ricky Ticky Tavy they ain’t and The Winning Team lived up to their billing against Team Balls. In Comp, we just had one game, but it was a doozie – Big Tom and the Chrysanthemums over the Fab Five - 26-24, 22-25 and 15-7. Big Tom is led by Vito“Victory” Cataldo ’07–the one without the arm sling.

Move over Ozzie, the Crazy Train is basketball bound…last stop. Rec World—scarier than Bush World—witnessed The Basketball Players trouncing Tastes Like ACDC Chicken, 47-21. Kristin “Krazy” Hogan ’06 sparked the win. Los Garcia Y Vegas – hard to fit on a jersey– took the measure of Riders on the Storm by a 76-36 count. John “Iron Mac” Marshall ’06 was a catalyst.

In Comp World, Lithuanian Blues downed the Volleyball Team, despite being undermanned and having Owen “Outstanding” Henkel ’05. Big Tom and the Chrysanthemums were led by, who else, Big Tom Weishaupt ’07, as they broke the dreams and aspirations, if not the wills of Half and Half 44-24. Free Spree got hot after a slow start, rolling to a 69-21 win over The Shockers. Danny “Downtown” Fahey ’06 led the rout. Lastly, Jalapeno Fingers were on fire against Da Miak as they prevailed 61-25, led by Nick “The Quick” Kusnetz ’06. Catch you on the other side of the track.